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Personal Development

KMM Views: Why Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy in a relationship

By October 16, 2017 No Comments

I recently had a situation in my life that was honestly perplexing to me. Without going into too many details, there was a person who I knew wasn’t telling the truth about a situation and I continued to give that person the option to tell it. After repeated denials of something that I knew as true, I decided to let the matter go for that moment.  Two days later this person came back to tell me that I was in fact right about my original assessment and that they were lying to me the entire time that they were adamant about their honesty earlier.  For that reason, I decided to permanently cut ties with that person because honesty is something that I cherish deeply in my life for those whom I am going to have a personal relationship with. My philosophy is if you can’t trust someone to always tell you the truth, then you probably shouldn’t have that person in your corner. While often it may put us in a negative light, hurt the other person’s feelings, or hurt us, there are three very good reasons why we should resist the EASY way out and lie and take the road of integrity by telling the truth.

IT RUINS THE PURITY OF A RELATIONSHIP

I definitely wouldn’t advise anyone to try the experiment above, but it does give us a sense of how even the thought of being lied to by someone that we’re in a relationship with can ruin the entire thing. I think we all get a sense of people lie to us all the times.  Mostly, they’re just little white lies that don’t mean that much to us one way or the other.  The problem with doing this in a relationship, however, is that as you continue to spend time with someone and decide they are someone who can make your life better, you need to know that you can trust that person to always be truthful with you regardless of the situation. One of the reasons that individuals desire to be in relationships is so they can count on someone to always have their back and be straight up with them because we can always trust other people to do that. When someone breaks this trust by lying to you about ANYTHING, regardless of how small, it somewhat ruins the purity of the relationship.  The thought process about this is that if someone can lie to you and HOLD that lie about one thing (especially if they are truly convincing in their denial, i.e. Lance Armstrong, Rafael Palmero, Alex Rodriquez), then there is something truly flawed about that person’s character that suggests they would lie to you about ANYTHING if they felt it would protect them.

YOU HAVE TO TELL MULTIPLE LIES TO COVER UP OTHER LIES

The main problem with lying is that when you tell one, if that doesn’t just satisfy the person’s quest to know the truth, then you’ll probably have to tell many others to stay afloat. And most of the time, if you are lying, it’s because you put yourself in a situation that looks/sounds “fishy,” so the likelihood that someone will take you at your one lie is often VERY low.  Therefore, once they begin to ask the follow-up questions, you have to think of numerous ways to continue to cover up what you did, like calling your friends to back you up or thinking about other ways to corroborate your story.  It has been said that one lie will lead to five more. And for everyone one of those five lies you told, you then have five more for each of them until you have told so many lies you don’t know what is true or not.  We’ve all known that person that lies so much, you feel like they truly BELIEVE what they’re saying. And if you don’t know that person, then you probably are that person…just saying.

ONCE YOU LOSE IT, YOU MAY NEVER GET IT BACK

The saddest thing about once you’ve lied to someone and they know it, it is often very difficult for that person to trust you again. Once someone has broken that bond of trust and you have caught them in a lie that they have denied adamantly, then the question has to come to mind of how many other things have they lied about.  Of course, they are going to say that is the only thing, but that’s like when Tiger Woods told Erin he only cheated once; what did he gain from telling her about all the others when she only caught him one time?  It’s becomes a slippery slope in which that other person will always question if you are being honest to them and they can become the type of person who continually pokes and prods at you to confirm your honesty. There are many relationships like this in which one person may have cheated on the other and the other continues to do Olivia Pope-type snooping to catch that other person in a lie (there are relationships like this when NO ONE has cheated, but that’s another blog for another time), and it is generally exhausting to both parties involved.  It’s exhausting to the accused to have continually explain herself/himself when she/her isn’t lying, but they have to bear it because they know where it is coming from.  And it’s exhausting to the accuser because they are always trying to catch the other person in a lie.  It would probably make much more sense for both parties to go their separate ways and begin a new relationship where they can learn from their mistake and not ruin the purity of that next connection.

Well, there you have it.  I know that it is very tempting to be dishonest when we find it difficult to tells someone something or we are worried about what this person is going to think of us once we say it, but it’s only through honesty that you can truly have a pure bond with someone.  And while, it doesn’t mean that person will forgive you and you will be together, any decent person will respect you for it and appreciate you being brave and fessing up, rather than taking the easy way out like some of these people.  Happy truth telling! 🙂

Ken M. Middleton

Author Ken M. Middleton

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